Chinese -> (not quite) English

I was clearing out the office a few days ago and found bits and bobs of rubbish that I hadn't thrown away cuz I meant to do something with them. In the interest of a neat and tidy workplace, I'm gonna attempt to clear all these things.

One such bob is the leaflet for Tang Long Imperial Wine which I've been meaning to post on this blog for ages because of its lovely translation from Chinese to English. They picked a few people to give testimonials on the benefits of the drink. They were obviously given in Chinese, and the English translator is obviously a doofus.

Here are a few of them:

Hooi Poh Sim
One year ago, I was having Lymph cancer (over for tea?). After the operation, the condition is become well, but due to long term take medicine, I always feel asleep and do not have appetite to eat and tire (mmm, I feel like eating tire today). On December 2003, my health condition is become after consuming Tang Long Imperial (become what?! what?! I'm in suspense!). My body would not feel tire easily and my appetite is improving a lot...

Leang Shee Meng
When I was setting the grill and always feel backache and cold. (feels like I walked in on a conversation halfway through) It was because I did not take care well when I was young and just took painkiller when I feel aching. Luckily, after medical hall introduced to drink Tang Long Imperial, I consumed one small cup before I sleep. I feel my backache problem is lesser and body would not feel so cold. My hand and feet muscle is become more active (here come the jitters!). I would like to thank you Tang Long Imperial have brought me so much health improvement.

Tay Yong
I am an old woman aged eighty something (and they stated everyone's exact age next to their testimonials). Due to aging problem (so how do we solve it?), I have been suffering from diabetes and high blood pressure for 10 years plus (I say only getting them when you're 70 years old is pretty damn great). But since my friend introduced me to drink Tang Long Imperial, I feel different in term of my health problem is improving a lot and diabetes level is not increasing and my backache problem is lesser and I am so touching about the health improvement. (take a well-deserved breath, old girl!)

Wee Yin Hua (this is my favourite)
My body is weak all the while and my digest system is not so good, as well as can't sleep well, I have been suffered for these problems for about 30 years. On August 2003, I knew Tang Long Imperial from radio station, so I tried bought Tang Long Imperial to drink for sometimes, I feel it really help to improve my health problem. I drink Tang Long on morning and night time after dinner (and in the evening, and underneath the moon), then I will fast asleep and my stomach air is lesser and more comfortable. I would not having unsleeping (??) problem since I have been taking Tang Long Imperial for 6 bottle (alcoholic?) and I fell more energetic on my work.

Hope you had a good chuckle.